Rainbow Warrior

MS is certainly not for the faint of heart. It is a battle indeed and we have to be a warrior of sorts to stay ahead of the disease that wants to reduce us to pulp. So the real question is what kind of warrior do I want to be? I do have a choice and those are the kind of choices MS, or any other health condition for that matter, can’t touch.

Personally I choose to be a ‘Rainbow Warrior’, one who looks for the rainbow instead of getting caught up in the rain. A non-violent approach, someone who continuously seeks the higher road. And of course I can’t do it without His help from on High. 

The usual response to any battle, health or otherwise, is fight or flight. But Jesus came to introduce us to a third way – a non-violent way. So when my physical function dwindles, I do my darnedest to keep my eyes raised, reaching higher into His Presence trusting Him to change my outlook. His toolkit consists of everything that points to hope. A place where opportunity, creativity, imagination, and humour can begin to sprout. And from there to enjoyment, even enthusiasm. Because when He’s in it, I can not not feel the things that make up hope.

So for me, when physical function withers, it’s key I keep resourceful, thinking about how else I can do the task, or evaluate its worth or doing at all. And if it is, do I need to call on another with two operational hands? They too need to contribute. And when I take that road, I’m more at peace.

A more aggressive warrior, on the other hand, has a much different tool kit – fear, control, power, intimidation and the like – all which can easily escalate to a full-on struggle where barbs become bricks and bombs in no time. Anger, lashing out, blaming. It’s not hard to get there with jello for muscles and taking it out on the first person that comes along. But that isn’t right either and only gets me worked up that then lays me out for the rest of the day or week. No, I need His strength, His Power, His grace, to consciously choose my responses, my actions and stay in hope. 

One of the scriptures that helps me is: Many of the afflictions are of the righteous, but God delivers them out of them all. Psalm 34:19 Because when I know I’m doing my best and don’t succumb to despair, I know I’ll get the help I need. I love avocado sandwiches but peeling them with one paw that has only 5% function is slippery business. I have a choice though – I can struggle away at it getting anxious, or can call someone to do it for me. And if no one is around I settle for peanut butter. Either way, it’s an opportunity to steer clear frustration, anger, and fear that takes me into the rain.

It reminds me of incident I saw a few summers ago. There was this three legged dog in the courtyard. He was piddling on a shrub then simply hopped off. I thought gee, isn’t that convenient, he doesn’t have to lift his leg! He can simply come up along side a bush and fire! I burst out laughing to myself at that thought. I had to go back to Heidi our Covid screener to share what I just saw. She feigned a giggle at first until she saw past the tragedy to the humour I saw. Then it went genuine. That’s the kind of rainbow I like living under. And when I surround myself with that kind of light, my gimpy left hand and distorted walk fade in into the background.

Right where I like them to be.